Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she peed on how many people?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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