His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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