Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
