my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
