I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
