dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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