If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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