WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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