yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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