The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
