my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
