If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
BRING THE BAGELS
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
