I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he puts the penis in happiness.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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