my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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