its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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