My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize