Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
