I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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