At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
