there was a trapeze. enough said
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
