She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize