We're facebook friends in real life
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
