I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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