You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
