He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
