First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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