I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
