what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
