I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
