So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
