Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize