Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
