I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
love makes seman taste better
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
