My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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