Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
