you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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