she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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