I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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