she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
