Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
