Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize