Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
