I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Everyone says I win the strip club
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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