She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
