did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were trust falling into bushes
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
