I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
