She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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