totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize