I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
