Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
