Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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