Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
