My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
