So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
