I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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