I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
