Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
