My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
