If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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