is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
