I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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