I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
