New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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