We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize