Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
