Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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