So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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