You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
