It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need moral support for this bender
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
