We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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