so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
