I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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