i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
