if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I could have mohawked her pubes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
