my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
