turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
As shirtless as possible
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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