he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Someone shattered a urinal.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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