i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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