We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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