I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
